Chew On That
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I've separated from my husband for the second time in 3 years(and
the last!) .
2 boys 13 and 11.
I'm going through a finding myself/healing myself cycle at the minute
with books, podcasts and although I initially thought he was abusive I don't know if I may of contributed to it(or reacted) .
Husband has been verbally abusive to me for a long time, ground me
down and called me the most horrific of names I don't even want to
repeat on here.. But it always stems from us having a disagreement,
he doesn't just randomly turn and start calling me names.
Over the years I think I've become immune to it and instead of crying I
just don't care anymore its like I've lost myself and all my emotion.
I've had a few attack episodes but again only during disagreements -
he's pushed me over in a rage etc.
But as I say its always in arguments and however the argument
started and he got verbally nasty I'd call him bad words back and then
he'd hit a rage.
Towards the end as I'd lost emotion and didn't care, I no longer cried
and I'd go into fight or flight and react and call him something back(this
is not me or who I am but I didn't care anymore) but that would
escalate the problem and he'd react by pushing me over or verbally.
It's ended now he lost his temper in yet another row and I managed to
get him out.
But looking back now was he triggered by the arguments and was it
my fault for reacting in the way I did? If I hadn't of reacted it wouldn't of
escalated?
His parents say "that isn't him" and its because of me.
Life at home was hard with a very high functioning autistic child and a
stroppy pre teen so that was generally what the rows revolved around
or me not doing enough around the house etc.
Trying to build up a knowledge of information but struggling to get past
the trauma bonding and guilt right now.
the last!) .
2 boys 13 and 11.
I'm going through a finding myself/healing myself cycle at the minute
with books, podcasts and although I initially thought he was abusive I don't know if I may of contributed to it(or reacted) .
Husband has been verbally abusive to me for a long time, ground me
down and called me the most horrific of names I don't even want to
repeat on here.. But it always stems from us having a disagreement,
he doesn't just randomly turn and start calling me names.
Over the years I think I've become immune to it and instead of crying I
just don't care anymore its like I've lost myself and all my emotion.
I've had a few attack episodes but again only during disagreements -
he's pushed me over in a rage etc.
But as I say its always in arguments and however the argument
started and he got verbally nasty I'd call him bad words back and then
he'd hit a rage.
Towards the end as I'd lost emotion and didn't care, I no longer cried
and I'd go into fight or flight and react and call him something back(this
is not me or who I am but I didn't care anymore) but that would
escalate the problem and he'd react by pushing me over or verbally.
It's ended now he lost his temper in yet another row and I managed to
get him out.
But looking back now was he triggered by the arguments and was it
my fault for reacting in the way I did? If I hadn't of reacted it wouldn't of
escalated?
His parents say "that isn't him" and its because of me.
Life at home was hard with a very high functioning autistic child and a
stroppy pre teen so that was generally what the rows revolved around
or me not doing enough around the house etc.
Trying to build up a knowledge of information but struggling to get past
the trauma bonding and guilt right now.