Visual storytelling: Using art to reshape narratives around modern parenting with Kunyalala Ndlovu
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Artist, filmmaker, and producer Kunyalala Ndlovu joins me for a rich conversation about his journey into fatherhood and how it transformed his understanding of masculinity. Born in Zimbabwe and now based in London, Kunyalala shares his experience of being a full-time father for 18 months - something "completely unheard of" where he's from and "the least masculine thing you could do" according to traditional standards.
We explore how becoming a father created an "incredible softening" that felt like walls breaking down inside him, leading to what his co-parent described as "fathering in the way you'd have liked to have been fathered." Kunyalala explores the distinction between humility and humiliation in parenting, the importance of empathy as the foundation of co-parenting relationships, and how art can transform narratives surrounding modern fatherhood.
This conversation explores maternal gatekeeping, the significance of "time on the pitch" for fathers, and why he practices true 50/50 co-parenting—a rarity he has encountered. Essential listening for anyone interested in expanded definitions of masculinity and the creative potential of modern fatherhood.
Follow Kunyalala Ndlovu:
Website: https://www.kunyalala.co.uk/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/fort_rixon_gram?igsh=Y21ybGFiaW85bzZ0
Linkedin: https://uk.linkedin.com/in/kunyalala-ndlovu-66b77126
Follow Carly on:
Website: https://onthecouchwithcarly.com/
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCfBi56xQookfRGL3zvWVzCg
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/onthecouchwithcarly/?hl=en
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/onthecouchwithcarly/
TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@onthecouchwithcarly
Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/za/podcast/on-the-couch-with-carly/id1497585376
Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/3t7A2FMnISQ2fz9D5p0Xuw
We explore how becoming a father created an "incredible softening" that felt like walls breaking down inside him, leading to what his co-parent described as "fathering in the way you'd have liked to have been fathered." Kunyalala explores the distinction between humility and humiliation in parenting, the importance of empathy as the foundation of co-parenting relationships, and how art can transform narratives surrounding modern fatherhood.
This conversation explores maternal gatekeeping, the significance of "time on the pitch" for fathers, and why he practices true 50/50 co-parenting—a rarity he has encountered. Essential listening for anyone interested in expanded definitions of masculinity and the creative potential of modern fatherhood.
Follow Kunyalala Ndlovu:
Website: https://www.kunyalala.co.uk/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/fort_rixon_gram?igsh=Y21ybGFiaW85bzZ0
Linkedin: https://uk.linkedin.com/in/kunyalala-ndlovu-66b77126
Follow Carly on:
Website: https://onthecouchwithcarly.com/
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCfBi56xQookfRGL3zvWVzCg
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/onthecouchwithcarly/?hl=en
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/onthecouchwithcarly/
TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@onthecouchwithcarly
Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/za/podcast/on-the-couch-with-carly/id1497585376
Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/3t7A2FMnISQ2fz9D5p0Xuw
Chapters
- 00:00 Introduction to Kunyalala Ndlovu and fatherhood series
- 01:45 Hair politics and mixed-race children in Cape Town schools
- 03:39 Growing up in Zimbabwe's "colonial hangover" generation
- 04:30 Journey between Zimbabwe, London and Cape Town
- 05:48 Creative family background and artistic influences
- 07:32 Visual literacy versus traditional literacy discussion
- 08:57 Creativity's impact on mental health and human experience
- 09:34 Printing press and democratization of creative expression
- 11:19 Matrescence concept and male equivalent exploration
- 14:03 Fatherhood expectations versus reality
- 15:22 Generational differences in fathering approaches
- 16:11 Full-time dad experience for 1.5 years
- 16:49 Emotional softening and increased empathy in fathers
- 18:13 Feeling most masculine while caregiving
- 20:21 Humility versus humiliation in parenting
- 21:23 Non-verbal communication challenges with babies
- 22:18 Fathers waiting until children are older to engage
- 23:18 Realizing the 20-30 year parenting commitment
- 24:12 Social relationship changes after becoming parents
- 25:22 Couple dynamics when woman becomes mother
- 26:27 Grief and loss experienced by new fathers
- 27:11 "Beginning of the end of me" concept in fatherhood
- 29:16 Relationship advice for expecting fathers
- 30:48 Importance of empathy during sleep-deprived parenting
- 31:49 Chinese postpartum traditions and Western culture
- 33:10 Father versus mother empathy responsibilities
- 34:23 Opt-in nature of fatherhood versus motherhood
- 34:40 "Latte Papa" movement in Scandinavian countries
- 36:33 Reframing fatherhood as ultimate masculinity expression
- 37:23 Risks of uninvolved fatherhood
- 38:26 50/50 co-parenting arrangement realities
- 40:18 Barriers to father involvement in parenting
- 45:09 Maternal gatekeeping and trust issues
- 45:41 Breastfeeding and "time on the pitch" concept
- 46:48 Male sensitivity to parenting incompetence perceptions
- 47:30 Parenting skill evolution from babies to teenagers
- 48:43 Parenting responsibility portfolio approach
- 49:21 Avoiding traditional family power dynamics
- 50:19 Art's role in shifting fatherhood conversations
- 50:42 Films representing modern fatherhood positively
- 52:47 Creating documentary about postpartum depression
- 54:08 Showing realistic exhausted parent experiences
- 54:59 Key takeaways for modern fathers
