When dad becomes the primary caregiver: Fatherhood through postpartum depression with Sindiso Nyoni
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I'm joined by my friend Sindiso Nyoni, a renowned Zimbabwean graphic artist, illustrator, and activist whose work has been showcased from New York to Berlin. But today we're not talking about his international acclaim - we're diving deep into his experience as a hands-on father navigating an unexpected journey into primary caregiving.
Sindiso shares the reality of becoming a father during COVID while his partner experienced severe postpartum depression. For two years, he took on what many would consider the "traditional maternal role" - night feeds, constant care, being the primary attachment figure. This experience challenged everything he thought he knew about fatherhood and masculinity in an African context.
We explore how his brain literally changed through this intensive caregiving, softening his art from "edgy and rigid" to more considered and gentle. Sindiso reflects on the strange looks he gets changing his son's diaper in public, the politics of vulnerable masculinity, and how becoming a father shifted his artistic focus toward children's rights and global justice issues.
This conversation touches on mental health stigma, the isolation of immigration, finding support systems, and how art became his lifeline through the chaos of early fatherhood. An honest look at modern masculinity, attachment, and the transformative power of showing up fully as a parent.
Follow Sindiso on:
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/sindiso/?hl=en
Website: https://studioriot.com/
Follow Carly on:
Website: https://onthecouchwithcarly.com/
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCfBi56xQookfRGL3zvWVzCg
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/onthecouchwithcarly/?hl=en
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/onthecouchwithcarly/
TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@onthecouchwithcarly
Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/za/podcast/on-the-couch-with-carly/id1497585376
Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/3t7A2FMnISQ2fz9D5p0Xuw
Sindiso shares the reality of becoming a father during COVID while his partner experienced severe postpartum depression. For two years, he took on what many would consider the "traditional maternal role" - night feeds, constant care, being the primary attachment figure. This experience challenged everything he thought he knew about fatherhood and masculinity in an African context.
We explore how his brain literally changed through this intensive caregiving, softening his art from "edgy and rigid" to more considered and gentle. Sindiso reflects on the strange looks he gets changing his son's diaper in public, the politics of vulnerable masculinity, and how becoming a father shifted his artistic focus toward children's rights and global justice issues.
This conversation touches on mental health stigma, the isolation of immigration, finding support systems, and how art became his lifeline through the chaos of early fatherhood. An honest look at modern masculinity, attachment, and the transformative power of showing up fully as a parent.
Follow Sindiso on:
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/sindiso/?hl=en
Website: https://studioriot.com/
Follow Carly on:
Website: https://onthecouchwithcarly.com/
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCfBi56xQookfRGL3zvWVzCg
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/onthecouchwithcarly/?hl=en
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/onthecouchwithcarly/
TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@onthecouchwithcarly
Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/za/podcast/on-the-couch-with-carly/id1497585376
Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/3t7A2FMnISQ2fz9D5p0Xuw
Chapters
- 00:14 Introduction to Sindiso Nyoni - internationally acclaimed artist and friend
- 02:58 "Full-time dad, art is my side hustle" - reframing priorities
- 03:44 Always been nurturing - growing up with nephews prepared him
- 04:24 Expected the highlights of fatherhood, not the 2am reality
- 05:54 Constantly changing journey - destination keeps moving
- 07:43 Taking on primary caregiver role due to partner's postpartum depression
- 08:19 First two years were really challenging - carrying a lot of weight
- 11:44 COVID, immigration issues, maintaining art career - overwhelming pressures
- 12:31 No village support as Zimbabwean immigrant in South Africa
- 14:01 Cultural support from maternal side - grandmother's help
- 16:04 Juggling daily care, curfews, exhaustion, and overdrive mode
- 17:21 Unique experience - dad picking up slack instead of mother pushing through
- 18:25 Impact on father-child relationship - primary attachment figure
- 19:07 Son became extremely attached - separation anxiety persists
- 20:08 Can't go to toilet alone - following daddy everywhere
- 21:40 Still face experiment and impact of depressed caregiver
- 25:47 Son's awareness of emotional absence - checking if daddy's still there
- 27:18 Sleep as separation - bedtime stalling and attachment needs
- 27:44 Didn't anticipate fatherhood as masterclass in emotions
- 28:23 Biggest lesson: learning patience in fast-paced creative industry
- 29:59 How art changed - from edgy and rigid to soft and considered
- 32:14 Brain changes in fathers who do daily caregiving - testosterone drops
- 33:43 Softened approach to work and creativity
- 34:32 World needs soft men - expanding definitions of masculinity
- 35:07 Strange looks changing diapers in Kenya - cultural resistance
- 36:19 Political shift toward children's rights and protection
- 38:06 Visceral understanding of parental stress and vulnerability
- 39:22 Creating Palestinian solidarity art - children at risk globally
- 40:42 Art as what keeps him sane and at peace
- 42:15 Soul-feeding activist work vs. commercial design work
- 43:29 Mental health support - wife accessing therapy
- 45:20 Cultural barriers to mental health services in South Africa
- 47:27 Closing thoughts on being powerful father figure and role model
