MICRO EP: Why being a psychologist makes parenting harder
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I've been thinking about how being a psychologist and a parent at the same time is really hard. After 14 years of practice, I've heard so many stories of messed up childhoods and adults who resent their parents. Now when I'm parenting my own kids, I can almost anticipate which moments will become their therapy stories one day. That weight sits heavy.
Then there's the comparison trap. My clients tell me about difficult parenting moments they feel ashamed of, and I'm sitting there thinking I would've handled that so much worse. They're describing what they consider their worst moments, and I'm realizing they're more patient and mindful than I am on a regular day. Beyond that, there's the emotional depletion. On days when I've seen lots of clients, I come home to my kids with so much less to offer them. They need emotional regulation, presence, patience, and some days I've already given all of that away.
What bothers me most is how psychology has given us just enough information about early development to use it against ourselves. We know attachment matters, we know security matters, but instead of building support systems for parents, we've just raised the stakes and made everyone more perfectionistic. Every day feels like walking a tightrope where you're either building your child's security or destroying it, and that's way too much pressure to carry alone.
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Then there's the comparison trap. My clients tell me about difficult parenting moments they feel ashamed of, and I'm sitting there thinking I would've handled that so much worse. They're describing what they consider their worst moments, and I'm realizing they're more patient and mindful than I am on a regular day. Beyond that, there's the emotional depletion. On days when I've seen lots of clients, I come home to my kids with so much less to offer them. They need emotional regulation, presence, patience, and some days I've already given all of that away.
What bothers me most is how psychology has given us just enough information about early development to use it against ourselves. We know attachment matters, we know security matters, but instead of building support systems for parents, we've just raised the stakes and made everyone more perfectionistic. Every day feels like walking a tightrope where you're either building your child's security or destroying it, and that's way too much pressure to carry alone.
Follow Carly on:
Website: https://onthecouchwithcarly.com/
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCfBi56xQookfRGL3zvWVzCg
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/onthecouchwithcarly/?hl=en
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/onthecouchwithcarly/
TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@onthecouchwithcarly
Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/za/podcast/on-the-couch-with-carly/id1497585376
Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/3t7A2FMnISQ2fz9D5p0Xuw
Chapters
- 00:14 Three reasons being a psychologist and parent is hard
- 00:45 14 years of hearing fucked up childhood stories
- 01:36 Anticipating which moments become therapy stories later
- 02:08 When clients describe better parenting than yours
- 02:38 Comparing your worst to their "bad" moments
- 03:53 The particular way children need you emotionally
- 04:21 Coming home depleted after therapy days
- 04:47 Something always has to give
- 05:41 Psychology made parents more perfectionistic
- 06:08 Having just enough information to punish ourselves
- 06:36 The impossible tightrope of building security
- 06:52 Way too much pressure to do this alone
